


Sensation

by DrPaine



Series: The Lapidot Archives [5]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Glowsticks, I AM IN TOO DEEP IN THIS HELL, PURE CONCENTRATED GARBAGE SIN, g A R B A G E, in which lapis is a sense freak, peridot too now I'm adding more sooner or later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2018-04-11 03:01:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4418576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrPaine/pseuds/DrPaine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes freedom is overwhelming.<br/>And that's not a bad thing.</p><p> <br/>(Or: I'm fukin trash dON'T LOOK AT ME)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sensation

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 1 inspired by: http://modern-gem.tumblr.com/post/124937513229/lapis-is-excessively-amused-by-peridots-habit-of

Sight has been the one constant, blurs of color and form and movement she is tasked to track, observe, replay on demand no matter how she'd rather _not_. Sight is overwhelming most of the time and she craves the calm dark of night where everything is muted, muffled, softer and easier to process. But sometimes sight is okay, isn't so bad because it's mostly dark where they're sitting (or Peridot sits and Lapis is half-sprawled over her lap), and Lapis kind of likes the way the glowsticks look. Likes how there's only a spark of color when she snaps them and then they brighten with each shake and it's bright but not _bright._

She likes how it looks on Peridot, too. Because she loves green now and the green sticks are pretty (and go so nicely against blue), but her favorite color is still purple and purple is  _really_ pretty against green.

It's also fun to just watch _Peridot_ because she's such a _nerd_ , is she even aware of it? The way she doesn't think twice before just biting down with those weird fangs of hers (and Lapis thinks _again_ to ask why she ever chose them, but that'll have to happen later) and shreds the top of the tube and Lapis' hand moves _just so_ to avoid getting bit and the contents spill all over the both of them.

Purple looks lovely dripping over blue too, down her fingers and speckling her arm some, spots that glow and glitter like stars she doesn't quite fear any more. And it feels kind of nice too, the way water feels and Lapis can feel that _pull_ against her form that water has too, but she doesn't really need that right now because she is so so _aware_ of so much and it's wonderful and leaves her kind of out of it, but it's not bad. And Peridot seems to be in that daze too, her eyes half closed as she gnaws the plastic tube. Doesn't even notice when Lapis reaches up, tracing glowing patterns on the visor, tiny hearts and a drop like her gem because

... well she had a reason for a second there, but it's gone and she doesn't care enough to pull it back, because does she _need_ a reason?

She snaps another stick and holds it up and watches, enjoying the calm. Even if it's a weird calm because here she is curled against a Gem she hated at first, who had to bear the brunt of her (somewhat but not  _totally_ unfounded) rage and blame and then... things had be

rough.

But Lapis pushes those thoughts away because they're overwhelming and now is also overwhelming but _good_ overwhelming and she prefers to lose herself to _this_ rather than that. Lose herself in the subtle glow dotting Peridot's face and the very not subtle glow dripping down her chin and lining her teeth and the bright violet spots over her own hands and it's amazing to see how comfortable they are, how _nice_ this is. To just.

Be.

Wherever they are (where are they are they in Peridot's weird cave? She thinks so, maybe).

Lapis looks again at Peridot, green all smeared with purple looking so content and _sweet_ and it's a wave pulling her down so deep and a swirl so bright it leaves her mind blank but for the thought of pulling the glowstick away even as Peridot still gnaws at it.

Peridot pauses, mouth still half open and she looks a little _indignant_ at what Lapis just did.

Or is it because she's staring?

"What?" Peridot asks and yep it's the staring.

_You look disgusting._

_It's kind of pretty._

_You're drooling I thought you had some dignity._

_You're glowing._

_It's so cute._

_You're so gross._

_I'm_ _p_ _retty gross too right now._

_But you're so happy and you're covered in my favorite color._

_I kinda like it._

Words are easy and then they're hard.

So it's better to just abandon words altogether and that's what Lapis does, winding her arms around Peridot's shoulders and pulling her down and kissing the other gem because words _suck_ and she's feeling too too much and needs to do _something and_

_wow._

 

Wow.

Wow because Lapis isn't used to _touch_ and this is too much too much that makes her thoughts rush and _freeze_ because touch is rare and only when necessary, not like.

This.

Is nice.

And a bit of an overload because it's _everything_ at once.

She opens her eyes for a moment to meet Peridot's, huge and _shining_ even aside from the glow that's smeared over the both of them now.

She hears Peridot's breath hitch and she does that cute surprised squeak she _always_ does when she's surprised.

And she tastes like too many chemicals and too much candy, weird but sweet and it really fits.

The smell is still weird though but Lapis thinks she's getting used to it. At least, it's a smell that means contentment and calm and companionship and that's good enough.

And the feeling

Touch is something to fear because touch means cracked gems chipped gems and pain-suffering-fear

but now touch means _everything_ and is everything. Because touch is contact and proof that she is here alive and whole and they're free to do things like this, things like feel and

_"L... Lapis?"_

"Yeah?" Peridot's voice is so close (and so shaking) but her own is so so very far away.

Peridot is blushing so hard.

And Lapis catches her reflection in the visor, half obscured by smeared still-glowing hearts and an outline like her gem

Her eyes are shining, her own face is flushed so blue, and her grin is glowing just as bright as Peridot's.

But she doesn't see it for long before she's pulled into a tight embrace, fingers against her gem and there's a slight shock of liquid there too and she can only imagine the prints that must be there now.

But for now she lets herself _be_ and enjoy it, something she's been denied (and denied herself) for far, far too long.


	2. Perception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a difference between what Peridot knows, and what she feels.  
> And they're both perfectly real.

Peridot knows this: time moves forward at a steady pace. Time is constant even if measures differ slightly. Any differences are purely relative, related to an individual's perception.

Peridot _feels_ this--

Time has ceased entirely.

She knows it's an... _incredibly_ cliche way to describe things. And it's completely wrong because she knows the world is carrying on as always. In the distance she hears the ocean still wearing away the rocky pillars at the cave's mouth; and the moon has settled just at the horizon where before it hadn't been visible to them at all. The part of her mind reserved for observing everything still ticks away, counting every second, but it's so... _muted_ now. Senseless counting rather than a measure of anything.

Right now, they simply _are_. Neither of them are much good at sleep, but she likens this state to dozing, where everything feels muffled and amplified at the same time. Her mind wanders into a near blank, yet she is vastly aware of everything she's in contact with, all two of them: the stones pressing against her back and the soft weight of Lapis' form against her own. 

The stones barely register though, she finds herself far too enthralled with the Gem lying on top of her. How she breathes like a human does, a steady deep count as opposed to her own, infrequent and shallow at best. How her hair stirs with the slightest shift of air, the smallest movements. How now she shows only the faintest reaction as Peridot's fingers trace along her skin here and there, leaving faint violet patterns against the vibrant blue.

These are things she feels, but does not see; her eyes only half focused and seeing more vague hints of color and shape than detail, but she rather likes that, being able to just _be_ and not focus on every little thing.

The urge to focus, though, is still there and finally wins out when she notices a change-- Lapis shifting, and a violet glow that was _very_   close.

'On her arm' levels of close.

Lapis seems fully engrossed in her actions, moving from tracing more hearts to... writing.

Peridot rolls her eyes at the luminous proclamation that 'Lapis w--', and she's positive she knows what's coming next. She doesn't even lift her head or go to the effort of moving more than a finger, nudging the other Gem's shoulder. 

"Isn't that a little... immature? Even for you?" she asks, voice heavy and lazy and just a little teasing.

She expects nothing less than the reaction she gets, and that is Lapis sticking out her tongue (still stained violet and blue) before continuing to write--

And it hits cold and sudden, a vague near-sadness that makes everything feel less bright, that _she can't feel a thing_. She knows, she's watching as Lapis smears another heart once she's done writing, but the disconnect...

"Peridot?"

Peridot doesn't need to see her expression to know how it must have fallen, and how it falls still; her mouth in its usual frown and her brow furrowed, her eyes focusing anywhere but right in front of her nose.

"Hey... Peri,  I-I'm... I thought you were joking, I--"

"It's not that," she sighs, sitting up properly as Lapis moves to the side. "It's... well my point stands, but n-no, I..." She pauses, wishing she hadn't dropped the last tube because the urge to chew returns and she feels her teeth worrying her lower lip.

"I can't feel _anything_ on them," she finally says, still focusing her gaze on the rocky wall (how damp it is, how it seems faintly silver where the moon strikes it, faintly violet closer to them).

"I see," Lapis replies.

Time is still in the silence, and now Peridot wishes it would start again, because time would mean moving _away_ from this and that would be very nice.

Her eyes are still on the cave wall, but Peridot feels something against her arm, right where metal meets her form, finally forcing her to look at Lapis, moved to sit just in front of her _._

Lapis' hand (and Peridot regrets how messy she'd been, seeing how badly it's still stained) lingers and it's _unnerving_ , enough that Peridot flinches just the slightest bit-- though she manages to keep silent save for just a small intake of air.

Lapis takes it in stride, still giving that languid wide smile ( _and notice how it softens her face even more, how it pushes up the corners of her eyes-- and it occurs to her then that they share such a subtle trait, the heavy tired lines under their eyes_ ) as her thin fingers move up Peridot's arm and to her shoulder-- nonsense smears at first, but then Peridot feel more purposeful ones, and left just where she can't see. _Naturally._

"What'd I write there?" Lapis asks.

"Hi?" Peridot replies, and she can't keep from smiling when Lapis _beams_ , though her hand moves down to her back and there's more letters, the touch light and gentle but Peridot can still _feel_ it, feel the words...

She isn't sure who starts it this time-- because now she feels bold but she knows Lapis is quicker, and they both pull the other close as they can.

The last kiss ended all too soon, but this one lingers--

because now Peridot doesn't even know the passage of time. 

She isn't sure _what_ she knows any more.

But it feels good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The continuing adventures of 'holy shit this is fantastic art I must write it'! http://modern-gem.tumblr.com/post/125089493784/a-continuation-in-which-lapis-draws-all-over \o/


End file.
